| |
| |
|
Dating Information |
|
|
|
Trick Or Treat - Is This Make-Believe Or The Real Thing?
"I'll call you this week". "Yes, I'd love to see you again". "I had a great time". "I'm not interested in dating anyone else". "I think I'm falling in love with you." These are a few of the phrases passed between singles as they move through the stages of meeting and dating. At the time, they are uttered with what feels like true emotion and honesty. No wonder the person they are directed to is so confused when the call never comes, the person becomes unavailable, or it soon becomes evident that the speaker is dating or deeply involved with someone else. Can we ever believe what we see or hear? How can we be sure? Dating is a process of getting to know someone. It begins with an attraction, which is formed by that first impression. Often, this first meeting occurs by chance at a social gathering, at work or in the course of one's daily life. More and more, it happens through a response to a personal ad and the emailing and phone calls that follow. Both in-person and email or voice contact give us a sense of the other individual- but this is only a brief snapshot of who they may be. It takes real time together to create a larger and clearer picture of this other person and their rightness or wrongness for us. During this time we assess for friendship, attraction, shared interests and values, and a willingness and ability on the part of both individuals to move forward in a relationship. Given that this is a process, it has stages. A first date helps the couple to learn more. It is a fact-finding experience, which involves not only the information the other provides, but our feelings and reactions to it and to them as a potential partner. We show our best selves and attempt to make an appropriate connection with someone we find desirable. In the best scenario, everything clicks for both people and conversation is natural and easy. More often, there may be questions, doubts, and/or mixed feelings. Seeing each other again is often suggested by one or both people and is a good way to learn more about each other and resolve any questions. But the doubts and negative feelings go unstated in a desire to either give the other person a chance or to let them down easily. It's also an easy way out for someone who is uncomfortable with this level of emotional honesty. So, how do we know what the other person is truly feeling? You have several options for getting this information. * You take them at their word and wait to see if they follow through with what they have said they would do. Nothing speaks louder than behavior. This option is the most common choice and can leave you in that all too familiar holding and wondering pattern. * You attempt to address the situation openly and candidly. This one requires a bit of courage and an ability to be vulnerable. State how you are feeling in a thoughtful but honest way. Ask them to do the same for you. Let them know that you want to hear their honest thoughts about how the date went and if they would like to get together again. * The third option should be used regardless of what you do with the other two. Pay attention to their non-verbal communication. How do they look at you? What quiet responses do you get after you have shared something about yourself? What do you see in their facial reaction, posture and eyes? Do you FEEL interest or just politeness? Are they really WITH you, or somewhere else? If you learn to listen to the non-verbal language, you will HEAR much more than what their words have to say. Listening to the whole person applies throughout the stages of dating and relationships. It is also important during this time to pay attention to their behavior and note inconsistencies or mixed messages. Too often people don't and are stunned when a relationship "suddenly" ends or they find out they are seeing someone who was not the person they thought they were. Trust your instincts and listen "with a third ear". Remember also that the responsibility for honesty is also on you. Don't say what you think the other person wants to hear because you don't want to be impolite or hurt their feelings. If you really think about it, it is more hurtful and in poor taste to be dishonest with someone who has a true interest and is trying to learn yours. Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Online Dating 101 - Online Dating Basics Online Dating 101by Kevin KogerFeeling like there's something that's just not quite there yet in how you're going about this whole online dating thing? Don't feel bad, chances are you're one of the many people who're still pretty new to this gig. Heck, internet dating has only been around for about eight years, so obviously no one out there can claim to have all the answers. A guide for being single in Mimasaka, Okayama Prefecture "A Tsuyama singles scene?" scoffs single Mimasaka resident Hiroyiki Matsuda. "There isn't one. When it Comes to Multicultural Dating The Most Important Ingredient is Love Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic background, to find that no matter what you try, there just seems to be no spark or real passion occurring in the relationship? Are you just about ready to give up on finding a soul mate? Well before you lose all hope in the dating world, you may want to try exploring dating someone who comes from a different culture than you. Who knows, you may just discover that a multicultural relationship is what you need to discover that special spark you've been searching for. Mom Says So, you're a member of every suitable on-line dating site, you hang out at all the right spots and feverishly attend networking events, you've answered personal ads that appeal to you and you still haven't met the one. Or if you're like me, you've dated a series of potential perfect matches only to be left with disappointment. 1000 Proof Liquor Each and every woman is an actress in their own way, and many of the methods that they use to trick us are so built into their psyches that there is a good chance they are not even aware of the fact that they are being deceptive. A wide range of techniques fall into this category, however, I'm only going to be talking about one that has particularly attracted my interest. How to Get a Girl to Like You We've all had that special woman in our lives. You know. Finding Fun Date Ideas The three most usual choices for what to do on a date are dinner, a movie, and a public event such as a sports game or concert. Those activities often give the couple several hours of time to enjoy each other's company. How to Make Women Want You You don't need a guitar, rock-hard abs, or even a full head of hair to make a great impression on a woman. Follow these tips, and she'll want to hear from you again real soon:1. The Law of Large Numbers It is often said that sales is a numbers game. The more people we contact, the more chances we have to make a sale. Bachelor Dream Step aside Hugh Hefner. Elvis King is back in the building. Christian Singles and Meet Christian Singles Christian singles are plentiful no matter what age you are looking for and how much you want a relationship. A lot of times people think that it is a hard thing to meet Christian singles; but in all actuality it is pretty easy. Hot Women And Eye Contact For a while now I've been wondering why some women always make eye contact and hold it longer than others, and in most cases, the women who fail to maintain eye contact are the best looking. Each woman is unique, so their reasons for not maintaining eye contact could be any of a variety of things. Dating Tips - Prepare To Impress At first dating is fun but as you go on it's so easy to fall into a rut. A night at home with rental movies or a dinner out or a movie is all you ever seem to do and you are getting bored. Summertime and New Romance The tempertures are rising and romances are in full bloom as we move into the summer months of adventures, vacations and new beginnings.We all love the changing of the seasons and all the surprises that are in store, the flowers are blooming and bring luxurious color to our world, our hearts are opening as we look for love, romance and hot partnerships. How To Find A Dating Web Site That Is Right For You Today Starting From Scratch So at last you're sick and tired of the bar scene, and now you want to find a dating web site that's right for you, but you don't know where to begin! No worries let us take you through a few options available and see what dating site will fit your plans!Now the first step you may want to do, is write down on a piece of paper the key tools you're most interested in using, and the ones that will assist you in reaching the right dating community online.You might think this is not an important step, but what this does is eliminates the dating sites that have unnecessary products that won't help in your search for the right people, whether it's to meet friends, or a life long partner for love and possible marriage. 8 Steps to Scoring Big in a Bar If you're single, you've probably gone to a singles bar at some point in your life, hoping to make a love connection. But what determines whether tonight will be your lucky night? Chance? Kismet? Maybe. Dating On The Internet Is Growing! See How Online Dating Can Help You Find Available Singles Today Dating on the Internet is growing rapidly year after year, because it has become very difficult for most people to meet quality singles in their local communities and find compatible matches!When it comes to meeting new people, we tend to create an urgency, and we put a large amount of stress on ourselves to unite with someone quickly, without taking the time to really get to know the person and see their true qualities.Where sometimes you just don't have all the answers on a date, the first thing you need to ask yourself is, what are you looking for?Are you looking to have fun and meet a variety of people on a casual basis, or do you want to seriously establish a relationship, which can eventually turn into a love match? The decision is yours!In the first meeting it's all about honesty, which most of us throw out the window on the first date! I know you heard it before, but it's true! As you begin the matchmaking process through different dating avenues, you will make your life so much simpler if you're totally honest with yourself and the person you're with. Yahoo Personals Offers a Great Way to Meet and Date New People With more people turning to online dating every year, it's only fair to say that Yahoo personals is rising to be one of the most successful dating services on the Internet today!Why are they becoming the best service for single people looking for that special relationship? It's simple: they have designed their personals to have straightforward features for people online so they can find dates quick and easy!When you first arrive at the Yahoo dating site, you will see they provide several member options that are sure to fit most single men and women's needs.Take advantage if they're providing Yahoo free services; this is a terrific opportunity to get familiar with their popular features. Dating Tips: Creating The Perfect Atmosphere Had you ever been in the situation where your heart suddenly beats so fast, losing your ability to think, having the sudden loss for words when seeing someone you admired? At that very moment, you were like frozen in time, lost into another world, a world so wonderful, so heavenly? Hmm? How's my description? Ha whatever, the fact is that at that very moment, you were totally defenseless. So defenseless that anything could have just hit you. The Key to Reaching the Next Level in Dating Success Back in the days when I was a teenager, I actually had reasonable success with women, but it was far from consistent. Many of my behaviors and attitudes were anything but high-status.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
